Raven Report #1
The Missing Guard Shift
The problem began at dawn.
Blue Squad was missing.
The Captain of the Guard sighed.
The Head Healer sighed.
Kafa closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose.
“How long?” she asked.
“Approximately four hours.”
Kafa sighed again.
The Captain immediately ordered a search.
Not because he feared for their safety.
Blue Squad had somehow survived worse.
He feared what they might be doing.
The city was searched.
The taverns were searched.
The training grounds were searched.
The kitchens were searched twice.
No Blue Squad.
The raven was observed watching the search.
The raven appeared entertained.
This was considered suspicious.
By noon, rumors had spread.
Some claimed Blue Squad had deserted.
Others claimed they had been captured.
One patient suggested they had finally been promoted.
This theory was immediately dismissed.
At sunset, the mystery was solved.
Blue Squad was discovered in the hospital attic.
All three guards were asleep.
Surrounded by blankets.
Bread.
Cheese.
And an alarming quantity of spoons.
The raven was also present.
The raven appeared proud.
“What happened?” demanded the Captain.
William stood first.
“We were following a lead.”
“A lead.”
“Yes sir.”
“The raven had discovered something.”
The Captain looked at the raven.
The raven looked back.
The raven offered no clarification.
Robin stepped forward.
A piece of bread fell from his pocket.
“We believed there might be smugglers.”
“There were no smugglers.”
“There could have been.”
“There weren’t.”
Robin considered this.
“Fair.”
Durant attempted to restore order.
“We were conducting an investigation.”
“You followed a bird.”
“It was a professional investigation.”
The Captain stared at him.
Durant stared back.
The raven stole a spoon.
No one acknowledged this.
Kafa finally spoke.
“Did any of you stop to ask why a raven would be investigating smugglers?”
The three guards looked at one another.
“No.”
“Did any of you consider returning to your assigned post?”
“No.”
“Did any of you wonder why the raven kept stealing food?”
William frowned.
“In hindsight, that does seem relevant.”
The official report concluded:
Unauthorized Avian-Led Tactical Investigation
Kafa’s report concluded:
Absolute Idiocy
The raven’s report concluded:
Successful Leadership Exercise
The matter was closed.
Blue Squad received no promotions.
The raven received additional snacks from patients.
No one was happy with this outcome except the raven.
Historical Note
Contrary to popular belief, this is not why Blue Squad is still blue.
It is merely one example among many.
Additional Historical Note
The raven maintains that the operation was successful.
No evidence supporting this claim has ever been found.
Final Historical Note
The spoon was never recovered.